Paradoxical
by 42Nico
Summary: Starless nights, wingless butterflies, and the light touch of his fingertips that burned like fire and left her in this tangled mess where she couldn't find her way out. This was Ryouta, she thought, and no one else. Him, and no one else. [KiseOC]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Hello, hello, sweetest and most beloved readers!

I'm just here to warn you that the Kise you will meet in this story is a little different from the usual. Here, you will see the other side of the coin, or in other words:

Kise's cold, cunning, calculating, and observant side shall be portrayed here.

He-he, so if you're looking for the Kise radiating with sunshine and rainbows and happiness and all, I guess this isn't the place where you can find him...? Uh, in the later part of the story, maybe?

Wehehe, anyway, I hope you'd still enjoy this one.

* * *

><p>"<em>In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two."<em>

_- Erich Fromm_

**Paradoxical**  
><em><strong>1. <strong>__Once upon a time, in this gray, gray world..._

**:O:**

There are two different worlds. One is white, and the other is black.

He balances himself on the gray line without anything to hang on to.

**.**

(_'Kise-kun, Kise-kun!'_)

Today, the familiar sound of his phone beeping and ringing again and again and again woke him up.

(_'Please be mine! Kise-kun, Kise-kun!'_)

Kise remained silent. Fingers frozen and eyes closed.

He didn't bother to pick it up. He knew what it said anyway. He had read it for more than thousands of times and that he already memorized it. Letter weaved together into words. Words fabricated together into lies and cheats and deceit only to possess someone and proclaim them as their own.

(_'I love you, Kise-sama! I really, really do!'_)

He hated it. He _loathed_ it.

(_'Let's be together forever!'_)

It was only three in the morning, and he couldn't go back to sleep.

**.**

Life proceeded like the steady waters of a quiet stream.

Kise arrived in his classroom, only to be bombarded by his fan girls and a group of guys greeting him. He greeted them back, of course; all smiles and grins. They tossed a joke here and there, and he laughed the laugh he practiced to perfection.

(It was the ugly part of wishing for fame and acknowledgement. You set this model. They noticed you for it. They showered you with attention. Now, you had an image to maintain. You had given them standards to keep up with. Ruin it, and you're out.)

**.**

"Kise, you'll be partnering with Yoshizawa for the project."

He spared his teacher a glance for a moment.

His teacher was apathetic. The usual. The forty-year-old man always had this frown that never seemed to go away no matter how many times you tried to please him. He kind of reminded him of Midorima. An older version of the number shooter without the weird stuff he mostly carried around. Both were grumpy like an old lady on her menopause.

He looked at his new seatmate; the one he was supposed to work the project with.

It was a girl; a face he never saw before. (Well, he never really bothered to get to know his classmates anyway. They came to him, and he talked to them only because he was obligated to, or the situation required him to speak a few words with them.)

The girl (what was her name again? Was it Yoshi-something?) was stoic. Her face completely blank. Of course, she had eyes, a nose and lips, but it was devoid from any trace of emotions. Empty like a clear glass. Lips set in a straight line; not a muscle was moving. She blinked, but that was all.

_'Kurokocchi'_, was his first thought.

As if she heard his thoughts; she suddenly moved. She turned, and her eyes met his. Silver to gold. Moonlight to sunshine.

And she smiled.

_(1...) _

She smiled, but it wasn't a friendly one. She smiled, but it wasn't a sad one. She smiled, but her eyes didn't shine nor did it darken.

_(2...)_

She smiled, but only she–

_(3...)_

Yoshizawa – he remembered her name now – smiled, and he felt she burned holes straight through him like arrows and bullets piercing the very core of his body.

_(4...)_

"Nice to meet you, Kise."

_(Breathe.)_

**.**

("Say, say, Kise-kun, what do you think of—")

Ah, there it was.

Righ on schedule; the sound of the violin rang from the top of the school. The school's radio wasn't playing anything. No songs, no announcers or whatever. It remained silent. Nothing could be heard like they closed everything to let everyone hear the music of the violin singing from the rooftop.

("Hey, have you heard of the new cake shop outside? Let's go the—")

He didn't exactly like classical music. It was boring. It always made him sleepy. If he was already bored, he'd even be more bored. Especially the violin. He didn't like the violin the most. He couldn't really tell why it was even considered as something close to romantic.

("Kise-sama, eat this! Say 'ah'!")

It was too gloomy. Whenever he heard it, he'd think someone just died. He'd think of all the horrid things he'd tasted before. He'd think of all the hearts he broke. He'd think of all the chances he should've had taken. He'd think of all the opportunities he wasted.

He'd think of his days in Teikou.

("How does it taste like?")

The sound wavered, rose and fell down, down, down in a deep, dark endless pit like it was a child crying and wailing when he lost everything he had, and—

("Does it taste good?")

He gulped it down, and it tasted like rotten fish and black licorice.

("Here, have some more!")

The music played on.

**.**

_"-won't be going to practice today. Thanks, bye."_

Kise pressed the 'Send' button and closed his phone. The song _Sakura Rock _played in his earphones. He took a sip from his latte and slumped on the table.

He didn't really have a modeling gig right now. He just didn't feel like attending their practice. Basketball was boring anyway. He was already good at the sport. He'd just copy someone, make a few revisions here and there, and it was finished. He'd beat them with their own style and technique, and if that wasn't enough for them to get defeated, he'd just add more power to crush them even more.

It was simple.

He played a few games in his phone until he got bored and went home.

**.**

Ah, he almost forgot. They had a project in English, and his partner was a girl named Yoshizawa.

"Yoshizawa."

He opened his phone and tapped the 'Messages' button. He searched for their class representative's phone number. He had all of class's contact numbers anyway.

_"Hey, rep. Do you have Yoshizawa's number?"_

He directed his eyes towards the view outside. Full moon yet starless skies. A few seconds after, his phone vibrated.

_"You mean Yoshizawa Iroha? She doesn't have a phone. Why?"_

_'Huh.'_

He thought all high school students had phones. How come she didn't have any? Weird. Maybe she wasn't the type who liked to socialize a lot. Eh, that was quite obvious. She didn't seem like the sunny and cheery type. If she was anything, she was quiet like a rock. Even so, she should still have a phone or something to contact her parents and classmates in case she needed or wanted some help. How was she able to contact the outside world?

Well, none of that mattered. He'd just talk to her tomorrow.

**.**

Tomorrow came. Kise got to school, and Yoshizawa Iroha was nowhere to be found inside the classroom.

He waited for her. Ten minutes passed. She didn't come. He waited. Another ten minutes passed. There was no sign of her. He waited. Another ten passed. Still, she was nowhere to be seen.

Kise didn't wait for her anymore. Their teacher arrived earlier than expected.

"Alright, bring out your print—"

He promptly stopped when the door silently opened, and everyone turned their heads towards the tall figure at the doorway.

It was Yoshizawa.

The teacher looked indifferent. "Bring out your printouts. Did you—"

Everyone went back to their own businesses. Except for Kise. This was the first time he saw her coming to school, and their teacher and his classmates seemed used to it. Yoshizawa, too. She seemed used to getting ignored by them.

Stunned, Kise watched her as she made her way to her sit next to him. She put her bag on the ground and didn't bother to bring out anything. She just stared outside the window, and her body remained motionless.

Silent like a ghost and still like a statue.

_'... Ku-'_

All of a sudden, she perked up – she lifted the back of her head resting on her hand, and a wave of familiarity coursed through him when she turned around to meet his gaze and—

She smiled a different smile from yesterday. And he couldn't tell what it was.

"Good morning."

_Tick, tock, tick, tock -_

The silent sound of the ticking of the clockseemed louder than the baritone voice of their teacher. It was April, but the wind rushing into the room was stale and cold.

_Tick, tock -_

Kise smiled back, but his looked happy, precise and _perfect_ unlike hers.

"Good morning to you, too."

He looked away. That should be enough. He had given her the same impression he gave to everyone else. He was the famed handsome model and athlete Kise Ryouta who was also a friendly, kind and cheerful person which everyone thought he was. He smiled for her. He smiled a perfect smile for her.

That should be enough.

Later, he would talk to her about their project during lunch break. After they finished it, everything between them would end.

Yes, that should be enough.

**.**

"Pfft. Pathetic."

**.**

Lunch break. Yoshizawa Iroha was nowhere to be found _again_. Students crowded the hallways. Hushed chatters and whispers everywhere. But the radios were off as scheduled. No songs, laughs or anything.

Silence.

_'Where is she?'_

The sound of the crying violin played. Close and loud. He found their class representative looking outside the window.

"Yo, class rep! Have you seen Yoshizawa?"

He looked up at the blonde. Yuuto Hinamori blinked. The intensity of the shade of his eyes was stronger than the usual. Wide with shock; stormed with ache and something unfamiliar to him.

The violin roared. Thunderous and melancholic like that of a wolf.

"Why?"

A cold breeze passed by.

He stared with an eyebrow raised as if he was inspecting something fom him. It somehow made Kise uneasy – the way his dark eyes stared at him like he was a specimen under observation; a criminal about to commit another crime.

"It's for a project."

His forefinger twitched. He kept his gaze on the blonde. That didn't seem like the answer he had in mind. His hypothesis was incorrect.

But Kise saw something different. The music promptly stopped and resumed with one crying note.

_'Pfft.'_

"I see. Well, I'll see you then."

Ah, Yoshizawa was _surely_ something. A blank gaze that someone found beautiful. A crooked smile that someone found dazzling.

The violin howled.

Without any word, Kise walked away. He turned towards the view outside the windows, and the cherry blossoms were dancing with the wind and–

A tall figure. Long, black hair swaying with her head and her body. A gray case lying near her feet. Scattered sheetsof paper and a broken bow beside it.

The music of the violin stopped, and so did Yoshizawa Iroha.

**.**

Today, he skipped basketball practice. Kise took another sip of his latte. He wouldn't miss much from it. The coach wouldn't get mad– he was the team's ace anyway.

(The bells clanged. The door clicked. "Welcome!")

He had been in the cafe for hours now. It was already dark outside. Thick clouds covered most of the sky. Not a star could be seen. Light from the lamp posts filled the streets.

("I'll have a slice of that cake. And latte, too, please.")

He didn't get to talk to Yoshizawa about the project. After he found her standing under the cherry blossoms, she was already gone when he got to the place. She didn't even go to their afternoon classes. Pink petals from the trees floating above the ground and vanishing with the wind, and a snowflake falling from the gray clouds above and melting into the dirt beneath his feet; a paper burned down into ashes and scattered among the dust– that was Yoshizawa Iroha. Vague, spectral and enigmatic.

The lamp posts blinked.

Well, who cares about it anyway. She could do that project by her–

"Ah, Kise Ryouta."

A familiar voice. Soft but firm. Gentle yet rigid. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore seemingly like a roar of a lion.

Kise looked up from his phone and saw Yoshizawa Iroha smiling down at him. Speak of the devil.

"May I?"

He didn't speak. Tap, tap, tap. Metal on wood. He glanced around first and found every seat was already taken except for the one across his.

Why did this place have to be so small?

"Sure. Go ahead."

She sat on the chair in front of him. Bag on the ground beside his, and the gray violin case on the other side. She set her tray gently on the wooden surface of the table and faced Kise once again.

"So, I heard you were looking for me."

The song in his playlist changed. The music started playing. She took a bite of the red velvet cake. It was light and calm at first, but it all changes when the actual beat of the songs came in. Fast, dark and dreary. He took an earphone off and turned his eyes towards her.

(_"The city lights all shine too bright against the chill of ether anesthesia."_)

How did she know?

(_"At two AM, insomnia has taken me and things are changing rapidly."_)

He laughed his usual laugh. "Yeah, I was. It's for our project."

(_"My stomach feels like a hundred degrees, running low on fuel like a lighter without its oil."_)

"Ah, that."

She took another bite. And another. He waited for an answer. After she finished the cake, she set her fork down and lifted her face up.

(_"Oh, wouldn't I be relieved–"_)

"You can do that by yourself. I'm not going to do it."

(_"If you could tell me that all of this had been lies?"_)

The door closed behind them. ("Thank you for coming!") She sat back. The sound of footsteps faded into a distance. He adjusted the cuff of his watch. One of the lamp posts outside went off. She folded her hands together on the table.

"Well, that settles everything," Yoshizawa cut the silence between them. "I'll be going then."

With that, she left.

Vague, spectral and enigmatic.

(_"Without me, for sure, a perfect world."_)

**.**

He got to school, and everyone greeted him– except for _her_. She was that empty shell again who sat beside him two days ago. He sat next to her, but she didn't greet him with her usual crooked smile. They didn't speak with each other even when lunch came. She got up and brought her violin with her. He went to the cafeteria and ate lunch. The radios were off, but the crying violin could not be heard.

Well, they were never close in the first place anyway. They were seatmates, classmates; just two people who happened to sit next to each other. That was all.

That was all.

Right after finishing his lunch, he decided to go back to their classroom. A few girls greeted him– "Kise-sama! Kise-sama!" "You're so cool!"– and–

"Look at her."

"Hey, it's that girl again!"

"That long black hair... Wait, isn't that Yoshizawa from Class 1-2?"

_'Yoshizawa?'_

As if on cue, the music started, and Kise stopped and stared.

She danced among the cherry blossoms of spring, but the music of her violin felt like the harsh and fiery sun above a dry, dry desert.

Kise just found himself standing behind a crowd of students watching Yoshizawa Iroha play the violin from a distance. What was once a group of curious students became enthralled– and he noticed they had the same look on their face; eyes wide, captivated yet–

Fearful. Frightened. _Terrified_.

They all feared her. Their knees buckled and their hands visibly shaking. Nervous, uneasy and anxious. He could see it clearly in their eyes. Their worst nightmares were coming to life right before them. Their monsters were creeping onto their feet. Their breath was caught in their throat– _thump, thump, thump_– like her music was slowly and painfully choking them bit by bit– _closer, closer, and closer_– until she would render them useless.

He was astounded. She was standing with her back against them, yet that girl was able to make them feel so, _so_ terrified with just her music and her violin.

_'But–'_

But she was the emotionless girl sitting next to him. White as snow and empty like a clear glass. She was the girl with cold eyes that refleced nothing but a shade of gray. Barren like a room with no windows; the snow of a cold, cold winter night.

And he was stunned and frozen; not because of the music, but–

She wasn't the hollow Yoshizawa that he knew anymore. This Yoshizawa was now the embodiment of fear– crimson like the roaring flames of hell, midnight blue like the deepest parts of the ocean, and gray like a raging sea under a stormy sky. She was the monsters hiding underneath a child's bed. She was the ghosts that people watched in horror movies. She was fear, and–

She ended the song with one long note, and it haunted the deepest and darkest corners of his mind. Her audience were now gone, and Kise was the only one left there; his eyes still on her figure. Sweat trickled down on the side of her face; her chest rising and falling as if something had chased after her. When she finally calmed down, she turned towards his direction–

And the gray, gray storm in her eyes were gone. They were wide and blue like the clear sky hanging above them, but somehow, Kise was reminded of a lone child standing in the middle of a dark forest. A small girl without her mother nor her father. A girl with only her broken violin, and nothing more.

Alone, dejected, and pitiful.

Everything came crashing down on him; Kise took one step forward, but that was when crystal tears filled her eyes, and Yoshizawa Iroha was crying.

A gust of wind flew by, and the pink petals flew into the sky.

**.**

She was beautiful.

**:O:**

**.**

**.**

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><p><strong>AN:** I noticed (in the manga) he is only _genuinely_ friendly to those people who can match up to him or to those who he thinks are worthy of him like Kuroko, Kagami, his team and the rest of GOM. To others, he is indifferent.

So, did you like it? If so, please feel free to tell me your thoughts about it! The review box is always open, LOL.

**THANK YOU FOR READING!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hallo! Thank you very much for the faves and the alerts! You guys make my heart go sha-la-la-la! LMAO. Anyway, since I can't reply to anonymous reviews, I'm gonna do it here!

But before that, here's chapter two! It's kind of short compared to the first chapter, hahaha. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

><p>.<p>

**Paradoxical**  
><em><strong>2. <strong>__For a moment, the world takes color, but the rain immediately washes it all away._

**:O:**

According to what she read from the instruments shop she usually went to, one would always, _always_ had to make choices. This was life's greatest paradox.

What kind of choices had she done so far?

**.**

Once upon a time, there was a prince.

That morning, Hanako woke up at the sound of her mother and father– _"You got fired in your job again!?" "What the fuck can I do about it?! Why don't you go find a decent job then, huh, bitch!?_–" screaming on top of their lungs, but–

_"Good morning."_

Her day started out fine with just a simple greeting from that person. Thinking about it now, she couldn't help but to sigh with a smile on her face.

Kise Ryouta.

Handsome, kind and gentle; he was just like the prince from the fairytales she read and fell in love with. Blonde hair that shone in the sunlight, eyes that resembled gold and a smile that was serene like the blue skies.

Pure, perfect, and flawless. He was the prince she had always dreamed of.

He was different; she was sure of it. The way he smiled like the twinkling stars of the night; she was absolutely certain of it.

Kise Ryouta was her prince– the one and only happiness in her life. He was her only light, her salvation, and the one who could possibly change her world with just three words and eight letters.

But, ah, what would she give just so she could hold his hand someday?

**.**

(She couldn't simply fly to the moon, though.)

(After all, he was a prince from a fairytale, and she lived in the world of reality. They lived in two different worlds. He lived in the seventh heaven, and she lived in the world of shadows and forgotten memories.)

(All she could do was to stand from the other side of the line and look through the glass bordering between his and her world.)

**.**

"Good morning, Hanako!"

"Yo, Kazumi-chan! Good mo- Hey, what's that look for?"

"Heh, you got on the same train with him again, didn't ya?"

"Yeees! Ah, he was so cool up close! I mean, he even sat next to me! Can you believe that?!"

"Wow, that's so awesome! But– Ah, wait! I almost forgot something! Yoshizawa's your neighbor, right?"

"Yeah. What about her?"

"I heard she is his partner for a project! Gods, imagine them ending up as a couple! They'll totally look like a couple out of a movie! And–"

**.**

(_'Of course.'_ She laughed at herself.)

(He couldn't remain standing there just like her. _No_, he wasn't even standing there in the first place. It was merely her and her imaginations. He was somewhere far away, and there was nothing she could do about it.)

(So, she just watched.)

(Afterall, a prince was only meant for a princess. And she was no princess.)

**.**

(But that girl...?)

_'Don't make me laugh.'_

**.**

"Iroha-chan?"

The music from the piano stopped, and the black-haired girl turned around from her seat. Sweat glistened on the side of her face; eyes wide like the glittering ocean in the middle of summer. For a moment there, she just stared at her.

"Hanako-san."

Iroha smiled, and it was beautiful, just like Pachelbel's Canon and the blooming flowers of spring.

(And she always had those moments – moments when she suddenly forgot how to breathe whenever she saw her sitting sat in front of that grand piano and smile like she wasn't in the middle of the aftermath of never-ending blizzards and thunderstorms.)

(Hanako laughed helplessly.)

(She was the princess?)

"Mind if I...?"

"No. Come on in."

The short girl stepped inside the large room, and the mixed scent of smoke and roses greeted her nose. She had grown accustomed to it – Iroha got this uncanny habit of smoking cigarette and trying to cover it all up with perfume – but–

(She hated it. The lingering scent of cigar masked with the sweet smell of roses like covering up an ugly painting with a well-made frame. Seeing the bits of ashes and crumpled music sheets scattered around, she hated it, because–)

(—because this wasn't supposed to be the princess.)

Hanako kept on smiling.

(A princess should be pure.)

"You were playing Chopin's Ocean, right?"

"Yes. I just started learning how to play it. It's too hard, though."

(A princess should be perfect.)

Iroha laughed. She coughed for a bit – her throat seemingly hurting and burning like fire– but she still continued to laugh. Fun and light like that of child's genuine laughter.

(A princess should be flawless.)

"By the way, I heard your partner for a project is Kise-kun."

Iroha paused for a while like she was trying to remember something.

"Ah, that," she said. "Well, I don't give a damn about that project. Besides, it won't make much difference if I don't do that project."

She pressed one key on the keyboard, and a frown appeared on her face.

"Also, I'd like to stay away from that guy. He's too..."

(This was no princess.)

After hearing her statement, Hanako laughed, too, because that was the only thing she could do.

(A princess shouldn't be her, because this girl was just another person just like her.)

**.**

(She was supposedly the princess.)

(And a princess should not look disorderly. A princess should be clean. A princess should not have such ugly habits. A princess should not be pretentious. A princess should not curse. A princess should not frown.)

(A princess was supposed to be beautiful. A princess was supposed to be elegant. A princess was supposed to be well-mannered. A princess was supposed to be flawless. A princess was supposed to be perfect.)

(The princess should not be her.)

(The princess should not be her.)

(The princess should be–)

**.**

"Say, Iroha-chan, can you do me a favor please?"

"What is it?"

**.**

(Hanako was no princess.)

(But, a prince was only meant for a princess. And Iroha was no princess, too.)

**.**

For the sake of the happiness of others, she would play. That was the first choice she made as soon as she picked up the violin years ago.

In the fifteen years of her life, she had been existing for others– for the expectations of her father, for the happiness of her mother, for the beliefs of other people, and today–

For that smile of her only friend, Hanako, Iroha would make another choice.

**.**

Monday morning came, and Yoshizawa, who arrived late at school again, had just given him a note which said, _"Meet me at the library later during lunch." _

_'What the hell?'_

At first, Kise thought of it as a joke– why the hell would _she _want to meet him in a _quiet_ place such as the library? He glanced at her to ask what was it for, but when she shot him a stern look, he shrugged and looked away.

Well, it wouldn't hurt to do it anyway. It might be something really important.

Just as he finished eating lunch, he made his way to the library. The place wasn't as empty as he expected– the library was a boring place to be, but he could see a lot of students hanging around with or without a book in hand. They were clumped together in groups, some in pairs and trios, and–

Ah, Yoshizawa was easy to find. After all, she was the only one sitting in a large table for more than five people. No one was sitting with her, and that didn't seem surprising at all. She had this cold and distant attitude which people weren't that fond of anyway.

But, he had to admit, in the light of the sun, she looked quite lovely. Sunshine entangling with her black hair and her eyes seemingly like turquoise; it was a great picture to make.

"Ah, you're here."

Her sudden remark snapped him out of his thoughts. He made her way towards the table and sat right across her. The girl closed the book– he wondered why she was reading a book about color codes– she had borrowed and lifted her face up to meet his. She looked down at first– she seemed hesitant about what she was about to do, and that confused him a bit– but after a heavy sigh, she finally decided to speak.

"Let's do the project."

Silence.

A gentle breeze passed by.

_'What?'_

"But you told me you're not going to do it!"

As he remembered clearly, she told him she didn't want to do that project. They were in a small cafe, and the two of them were sitting right across each other with tension in the air between them when she said those words. Right after that, she left him all alone.

And now, she was telling him to the project together? She must be _really_ joking this time.

He stared at her, and she seemed like she was expecting him to say that.

"I know what I said, and I'm sorry about that," Yoshizawa said; her eyes down on the cover of the book below her. She looked up at him and continued. "But I really want to do it with you now."

As he kept his stare on her, he noticed something in her and leaned back on his chair.

"Why?"

This wasn't the Yoshizawa Iroha that he knew.

From the past days that he watched her, the Yoshizawa Iroha that he knew was different from this one. The Yoshizawa Iroha that he knew was cold. She was unfeeling and unemotional. She only cared about herself and her violin only. She didn't care about others. She didn't care what they thought about her. She was aloof like the clouds that didn't need the sky or the ground.

She was solitude, but here she was asking him to do the project with her. If she wanted to do it, she could do it all by herself. She wouldn't ask for his help or even bother to talk to him about the project. She would ignore the fact that they had to do it in pairs, so...

Why? Why would she need him? Why would she seek for his help instead of doing it alone?

At his question, Yoshizawa was genuinely surprised. Shock was written all over her– her eyes wide and her mouth hanging like she wanted to say something but got lost and hesitant.

What was it?

He wanted to ask, but then she looked down and clutched the book. She ran a hand over the words 'color codes' on the cover and sighed in defeat.

"The project is about colors and stuff, right?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah," he said, trying not to sound casual. "What about it?"

Again, she was full of hesitance. She wanted to tell him, but something was holding her back. What was it? What was it? What was _it? Tell me, tell me, don't be afraid, just TELL_–

"Well, you see, I'm–"

**.**

This was one of the few choices she made, and she hoped she was right about it.

**.**

It was among the ironies of life which happened inevitably so sometimes. A depressed comedian, a blind painter, a composer who couldn't hear his own music, and–

In this gray, gray world he lived in, those people who could give colors around were the ones who couldn't see any of it.

And Yoshizawa Iroha was among them.

**:O:**

**.**

**.**

* * *

><p><strong>To anonymous reviews:<strong>

**Rerei: **THANK YOU! I'M SO GLAD ABOUT THAT! THANK YOU SO MUCH! T-T

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hahahahaaaaa, yeah. Iroha is achromatic; meaning, she couldn't see colors. She's totally colorblind like everything she sees is either in black, white or different shades of gray. And, yeah, Hanako's her best friend who likes Kise. Hehe.

Anyway, if you are confused about anything, don't be shy! You can ask me for any clarification about the story so far. :D

I hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think about this chap! Thanks!

**THANK YOU FOR READING!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Paradoxical  
>3. <strong>_From the rain water, a small flower blossomed from the ground._

**:O:**

"_Iroha, that's not how you play it."_

(_Gentle hands like silk woven together. Warm like the sun, and that smile twinkling like stars which came after. A soft voice that could calm the storm that always seemed to cloud her view of the world._)

"_Come on, sing with me."_

(_Eyes like turquoise and the sea. The vast, blue sky above, and a small laugh that still rang in her ears even in the loudest of screams and countless echoes of thunder and lightning._)

"_Twinkle, twinkle little star! How I—"_

.

"—wonder what you are?"

(_One, two—_)

It was small. So, so small. Thin like a pieces of twigs tied together and fragile like the surface of a nearly frozen lake. One wrong step then down into a dark, dark cave with no end. Hushed, ragged and very, very close to breaking and falling apart.

"Up above the world so high—"

A trench with coal and sapphire. The wide, red sea, and a recording of an unfamiliar voice that brought back those broken notes and pictures of horned monsters from her nightmares.

"Like a diamond in the sky."

She held it between her hands. It felt almost colder than a shard of ice— a numbing sensation was starting to build up in her palms, but she held on to it.

(—_Three.)_

"Twinkle, twinkle little star—"

(Another droplet fell.)

"How I wonder what you are?"

The corners of those gray, lifeless lips lifted into a smile that had no light at all, and rain fell down onto ground as she struggled to keep on holding it in that corner of the room.

**.**

Once again, another droplet fell.

"Ah, that's not how you used to sing it, Iroha."

**.**

Light. White that turned into seven arks like a bridge to God's kaleidoscope. Daybreak. The rising of the blazing yellow sun into the cool blue horizon and tears the coldness and darkness apart like a phoenix diving into the depths of the a deep, underground crystallized cave. A carpet of rust, crimson and the midnight that hovered above seemingly like an uprising war coming from below.

_Colors. _The color of the sky and everything around him. The light and how it changed. How it turned from time to time like going through endless lines and circles. Going through the same phase, but still looking so astounding every time.

Kise hadn't really paid attention to them— those colors were just there, just standing there seemingly normal, he once believed, to any person out there until it happened.

Until _she _happened.

Yoshizawa sat right on the chair across him. The two of them had agreed to meet up in the café; the one where they had their very first conversation. (He silently laughed; it was ironic how they were going to do it there where she initially she refused to do the project which they were now working on.) It was almost quiet; only a few, hushed voices could be heard since they were at the farthermost corner of the place. She had been reading one of the books they bought earlier for quite some time now; meaning, she hadn't spoken to him ever since they entered the café.

He, on the other hand, was also reading the other one they picked up, but—

"Here's your order, kid," the waiter (probably around twenty years old) said and put the plate with the pastry on the table. "Enjoy."

This was his third piece of cake, because _hey, _who wouldn't get bored with all of this? His _date _(he supposed, but immediately dismissed of what may be the actuality of it) wasn't responsive, and her nose was completely buried in that book. How could he even survive this? _No, _the real question was—

Why did he even agree to do the project with her again?

From his memories, she was the one who asked him to do it _together_. He did try to refuse — if saying _"But you told me you're not going to do it!" _sounded like it – but she quickly – almost, _almost_ desperately – acknowledged it like it was a huge mistake.

He didn't accept her apologies yet, but her saying _those _wordshad him hanging at the edge of a cliff just above a deep, raging river. There was something in her eyes— something that made him think twice before turning her down. It was a spark— like a match struck against the wall, creating a spark in her gray eyes that he didn't expect from an unemotional and unfeeling girl like her.

"_I really wanted to do it with you now."_

Determination. Perseverance. A fire that could only be extinguished by accomplishing their common goal. A thirst that could only be quenched by finishing what they were supposed to start.

But when he asked her why, she didn't seem like she wasn't expecting him to ask any more questions. She must've had thought he was going to simply agree with her, and— ah, as far as he could remember, he wasn't really that hyped to do the project to just go with her and finish it immediately. And—

Somehow, he caught a glimpse of something he couldn't quite point out. It was— it was something he had seen before but couldn't describe. It was the same thing that his first girlfriend had when they ended their relationship. It was the same thing that his sister had when their dog ran away from home and never came back. It was dark like a starless night, cold like an isolated room, and bitter like an ocean of bile.

'_Ah—'_

It was a momentary flash of—

Black. Blue. Gray. All three colors mixed like a vile lake reflecting nothing but a broken china doll with the pieces of its body falling slowly that melted into bits of ash and charcoal.

Suddenly losing his appetite, he set down his fork.

_God, _why did he remember it so well? Why was it so _damn _clear in his head? Why couldn't he just forget about it? It was nothing special anyway. A girl who couldn't see any kinds of color; a girl who could only see the world in black, white and different shades of gray— so what? What if she couldn't see them? That was none of his _goddamn _business. That was her own problem. Her and only _her _problem.

Besides, she wasn't anything special to him. More or less, she was a stranger; a stranger he didn't (and couldn't) exactly care about. But he— he couldn't just lose his appetite for _that_— he couldn't just stop right at the moment as he remembered her with that painful and crushing look on her face like God cursed her with all the worst possible things that could happen to a person. He couldn't just feel like he wanted to stop the world and everything in it only because she looked—

"...-san?"

Before he knew it, his arm was stretching out, and his fingertips were already touching the side of her face. It all felt light— the weight of his arm was gone and his hand on her cheek. Her eyes— one is clear blue from the light of the sun while the other was grayish from the shadow of his hand— remained unfazed while they stared right into his.

"Are you okay, Kise-san?"

Right at that moment, everything rained down on him like stones and pebbles coming from the sky above them.

"Is something wrong?"

Carefully, he withdrew his hand and looked down on the food on the table. He closed his eyes for a second before he let out a laugh.

"Kise—"

"T-There was a bug! I just took it!" He cut her off with a sloppy grin. "W-Well, I'll just wash it off! Be right back!"

As quickly as he could, he got up from his seat and headed towards the comfort room. There, he splashed his face with the cold water from the faucet and let the water drip on the sink. Letting out a heavy breath, he lifted his head up and looked at himself at the mirror.

Kise laughed, and it left a foul and bitter taste in his mouth.

"You're such an idiot."

**.**

"It's been a while since I last came here! How about you, Yoshizawa-san?"

"… Me, too. I guess…"

It was all too sudden. Iroha didn't know exactly what to do.

Right now, she and _he_ were walking at the park near the café. He was a few steps ahead, and she walking slowly behind. He carried their books with one arm, and his other hand held her bag. He had insisted to carry her violin case for her, too, but she kept it to her.

Strange how he was acting quite different from earlier. What just happened to him anyway?

Just a few hours ago, they were inside the café where the two of them agreed to meet up. Since neither of them wanted to do the researching in their houses, they bought a few books first before they went into the shop, and there, they started reading their materials. For the two hours they stayed in that place, she had done most of the reading, because for some reason, the guy across seating across her just kept on eating cakes and pastries. Ah, perhaps he was hungry, she thought. (But shouldn't he be worrying about his waistline? He was a model, as far as she knew. Even if he was also an athlete, he should still care about his body more, though.)

And just then, he stopped eating. He looked outside the window; apparently preoccupied with something— whatever it was— that suddenly came to his mind. He was deep into those thoughts; his eyes looking far away into a long, long distance. She thought it looked weird yet amusing; she never guessed she'd see Kise Ryouta looking like a philosopher silently debating with himself. It made her wonder if he was always like this— his normally carefree and _'I don't really give a damn, but I look like I do, right?' _aura suddenly vanishing into thin air and this seemingly serious and _'I'm contemplating my life's decisions right now, don't disturb me' _persona came in.

'_What are you thinking about?' _was her initial thought. It made her want to know what he was so confused and troubled about. Even if she knew she wasn't in the right position to ask— she was merely a stranger to him until their worlds got caught up with each other all because of their teacher decided to pair them up for a stupid project, and this was all just something she was doing for someone— but—

'_Is there anything I can help you with, perhaps?'_

She closed her book—_this is for you, and for her—_ and just as she looked up—

"K-Kise-san?"

He had his gaze pinned on her; his arm stretched out, and the tips of his fingers lightly touching her right cheek. His face was— it was something she had seen in the mirror before. He looked so, _so _lost yet his expression was darkened with the thoughts eating the other person in his mind. Lips quivering, and eyes flooded with the same nightmares she saw back then, he looked—

"Are you okay, Kise-san?"

At her words, it was evident— another change took place. _'Just what—'_

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

As she asked that question, he took his hand back, and what came next was she saw someone who looked like a flower curling and drying up from the sun's excessive heat. He closed his eyes— he was—_ God, why is he—? Why did he look so—? Tell me, hey, tell me, please, tell me, why are you—?_

"Kise—"

"T-There was a bug! I just took it!" He cut her off with a sloppy grin.

She remained silent.

"W-Well, I'll just wash it off! Be right back!"

Just like that, he went to the comfort room, leaving her like in the middle of a storm.

He was lying. She knew that at the very least. There was no way a bug could be there; hell, not a single fly could even enter that shop. Why? Why did he do that? Why did he lie? Why did he lie to her? She might be a stranger to him, but she would help him. She would help him with whatever it was bothering him. So why couldn't he just—

"Hey, let's go somewhere."

It caught her off guard. When he got back to his seat, he looked somewhat different. Different from the Kise she first greeted, from the Kise she saw with all the pretty girls from school, from the Kise she saw in magazines, from the Kise she knew whom her friend liked, different from the Kise she refused to work with, and different from the Kise just a while ago. For some unfathomable reason she would or never know, something told her this wasn't one of the variations of Kise that she had seen before. This version of Kise was stripped from what she had known about him.

This version of him was the one with the name 'Ryouta', and no one else.

"Ah, let's go to the park!"

And that was how they wounded up in that place. The two of them getting all chummy in the park without even finishing their project yet. That was their original objective— the reason why they even meet up in the first place, but now, they were completely ignoring it. They were just walking in silence without any care in the world. And—

This was just all too confusing. Iroha didn't really know what to think about the whole situation. Should she break the silence and ask him straight away? She needed some sort of clarification. According to what she had in mind, this wasn't how the day would go— her getting all bewildered and quite frustrated, and him getting all, ah, normally carefree to weirdly serious and to someone finally and differently carefree.

"Um, Kise-san," she started by catching up with him. "Just what are we—?"

"Do you have any idea how the color red is like?"

She stopped on her tracks. At the sound of the word 'color', something inside her began to boil up.

'_Isn't that obvious?_'

What was that question all about? She already made it clear, right? She made it clear that she couldn't see colors; that she was blind to every hint of something that showed life out there. Black, white, and gray— those were the only ones she could see. Monotone without any sign of life. It was the main reason why she didn't want to do the project, so—

"… Are you stupid?"

She was clearly mad, and that didn't seem to bother him. He was really, really _stupid_. He just looked at her for a moment before he headed over the bushes where roses of different shades of gray sprouted. He plucked one flower and walked towards her.

"This is red."

He took her free hand and placed the rose on her palm. It was slightly darker than the shade of gray his hair had. It reminded her of the sky when the gods were about to unleash its wrath through a storm.

"So what? Do you want me to say _'wow, thank you, Kise? I _finally_ know what color red is!'_" She spat. "What exactly do you want anyway?"

At her statement, he let out a small laugh. It somehow rang into her ears, and she felt so annoyed that she wanted to slap him right away, but he firmly held on to her hand. He stepped in closer, and bowed his head slightly before he whispered, "This, too, is red."

'_What—?'_

"Kise—"

**.**

_Code #FF0000._

Spontaneous, exciting, strong, assertive, powerful, determined, courageous, and passionate. Rebellious, aggressive, intolerant, fearful, ruthless, resentful, and brutal.

This was color red, and through these soft, butterfly lips connected to hers, Iroha finally understood.

**:O:**

**.**

**.**

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><p><strong>AN: **Before anything else, I KNOW it was all too sudden, ha-ha. This is just chapter 3, but it really needed to happen. Ha-ha. Trust me, there is a reason behind it. And for everything else. Ha-haaa. **Please bear with me.** *bow*

Anyway, I apologize for the long wait. I've been busy, and, well, the muse wasn't with me until I woke up 3 AM in the morning, and I started typing this out. Ha-ha, weird, huh? And yeah, THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE AND THE PATIENCE AND THE FAVES AND ALERTS GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH!

**If you are confused or anything, please don't hesitate to send me message or ask through a review! ****I hope you liked it! ****Please let me know what you think about this chap! ****Thanks!**

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><p><strong>To anonymous reviews:<strong>

Rerei: Thank you very much! ;D

Guest: I don't think you'd think of him of someone dark after this chapter, I guess (?) HAHAHA BUT THANK YOU!

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><p><strong>THANK YOU FOR READING!<strong>


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